Disconnection From Others Absolves Us From Responsibility and Facing Our Emotions
Facing our emotions can often be disconcerting and frightening, until we practice.
Melvin Lerner was a Social Psychologist and pioneer in the study of Social Justice, who developed the “Just World” hypothesis.
He suggested that people are most comfortable when they have a sense of control over their lives, and that we need to believe that good things happen to good people and bad people are punished.
Effectively, the idea that “people get what they deserve.” We might need to blame people in a state of misfortune, in order to protect ourselves from feeling vulnerable or unsafe.
We're Conditioned From Birth - What Can We Do About It?
How many times were you told as a child that if you did what you “should” or if you did the “right” thing (often putting your natural impulses or desires to one side) you would be rewarded? Were you punished for doing “bad” things, or scolded for not doing what you “should”?
This need for a JUST WORLD is programmed into us from birth. It’s almost unavoidable until we address the limitation, by facing our emotions.
What Emotions Does Dis-empowerment Fuel?
It seems that the more strict or rigid the society we grow up in, the more likely we are to suffer the extremes of the emotions of dis-empowerment. And why do we want to move out of dis-empowerment? Have a look at the list of emotions below to appreciate how current events are triggered.
There are a few feelings that develop from feelings of dis-empowerment. They are deeply unhelpful to carry in our day to day lives.
Jealousy
Envy
Sadness
Apathy
Rage and hatred
Inability to take responsibility
Feeling a victim of circumstance – why me?
So, I’m sure you can appreciate how our world has become what it is.
Separating From Ourselves, Not Facing Our Emotions, Helps Us Deal With Atrocities
Have you ever walked past a homeless person or a beggar and said to yourself “get a job” or wondered if they’d done something wrong? Honestly, the worst version of me has. You might stop the thought in progress, however, the idea may well be there on some level.
We have become so accustomed to blocking our emotions, that “another mass shooting in America” is diminished to just an item on the news checklist. Furthermore, we seem to accept the idea that rape victims may not get justice if they were dressed inappropriately, or they did something “wrong”. How CRAZY is that?
We freely accept political ideas until belated consideration. What’s more, we tolerate leaders prioritising power over leadership; as a result of feeling dis-empowered through separation.
The status quo of injustice is okay, so long as we can disconnect , by putting a wall between us and it. A glass window of political correctness.
Seeing someone in a terrible state is easier to tolerate or ignore if we think they’re to blame for their misfortune. We judge to FEEL SAFE. We judge to FEEL STRONG.
Punishment Is No Solution
Even though our first reaction, to hate crimes against innocent victims, may be to drop the perpetrator in the lagoon of North Sentinel Island, this is only a short term solution. Just like nature, everything grows back. You can prune a plant and new growth appears just days later. Besides, the laws of physics teach us that fighting punishment or hate with punishment or hate creates even more resistance and magnifies the problem, in the long run. It might be time to admit that we may have misinterpreted the concept of “an eye for an eye” in ancient texts.
How Can Facing Our Emotions Help?
If we really want to stop the seed from growing, we have to cut it right back to the root. We can take the time to understand what types of nurture and environment create the extreme motivation to attack another human being; physically, verbally or with thought projection. We can feel our way through. Less comfortable, perhaps, and yet possibly more insightful.
We can educate minds before they are set in stone. Furthermore, like any human experience, real knowing arrives only with personal experience and emotional connection. So, we have to allow others to really know the perspective of the idea/person/concept they believe should be punished, or fought against. Perhaps, we can stop shying away from discomfort, and stare it right in the face until we realise that where there is discomfort, there is also comfort. Where there is atrocity there is also not atrocity. And we are ALL capable of duality, and much, much more.
Once we accept THAT, we are empowerment to acknowledge the choice.
Should We Drown In Sorrow For All Wrongdoings?
Quite simply, NO.  Taking the weight of the world on our shoulders is as equally unhelpful as dropping a mass murderer in the lagoon of North Sentinel Island. Living in misery in reaction to all the “terrible” things that happen on the planet is just another way to fuel dis-empowerment and bring us, full circle, to where we are.
It can be useful to acknowledge our real emotional reactions life events. Then to acknowledge the emotion behind that emotion, and follow the process until we can identify the root of what we’re really feeling. This identification can free us to release any whirling confusion that may be masking the real issue. It frees us to connect to real emotion and then let it go. We’re liberated by connecting to a REAL experience.
When we feel free and empowered we are less likely to REACT or resist. When we can acknowledge that there is positive where there is negative, we are less likely to resist the negative. We have no charge or resistance when faced with it. The result is that we give it no energy force to LIVE in our reality.
How Can Individual Change Create A More Palatable World?
So, how can we change our thinking to create a better world?
1) We can learn to access our own vulnerability. To acknowledge that anyone can find themselves in any state – even you, even me. To learn to feel safe, even in chaos or misfortune.
2) If we can even the playing field and see the personal power in everyone – we can minimize the illusions of status based on tangibles.
3) We can work towards a less rigid “right” and “wrong” framework in society. We can teach the next generation about shades of grey. We can acknowledge that I am you and you are me and we are connected.
4) In many societies today, vulnerability is still seen as a sign of weakness, rather than a strong road to connection. Vulnerable people are attacked or diminished because it’s safer for them to be stigmatized than connected to everyone else.
How long will we choose to live in illusion, rather than find the courage to face our emotions; and our real selves?
Do You Want To Smash Through The Illusion of Your Social Conditioning?
If you want to peel back your childhood programming and smash through some of your social conditioning, you can engage in purpose coaching, or you could come and join a group Farcical Life Training. If you’d prefer a more personalised approach, contact me at sarah@sarahmerron.com for details of one-to-one training or online personal coaching.
Are you ready to remove your safety belt? Are you ready to face what really is, release your resistance and give life energy to the reality you want to experience?
