The first instance of a depressive feeling happens in flow or in the moment. In fact, maintaining depression takes effort. It requires a repetition of the same emotions, thoughts and body language. Moreover, it requires us to go against the natural flow of those things to recreate it on a daily basis.
The Mindset Master
Tony Robbins states “In order to be depressed you have to view your life in specific ways.” in his book “Unlimited Power” 1987. He talks about the fact the manifestation of depression results from what we say to ourselves, and in what tone of voice. Indeed, these feelings relate to how we stand and hold ourselves and how we breathe.
Specifically, maintaining depression also involves playing games with our blood-sugar levels through poor diet and excessive alcohol. He states that “some people have created this state so often that it is very easy to reproduce”. What’s more, he talks about the secondary gain or benefits that we get from depression. Perhaps it’s comforting to be there, perhaps it gets us sympathy or allowances from others.
Does Depression Really Take Effort?
Realistically, depression manifests differently for everyone. Like success, maintaining depression is often a choice, even though this may not be conscious and can also be hard to believe.
Actually, the thoughts we hold in our mind dictate our emotional state. In fact, it goes deeper than that. Specifically, the thoughts we hold in our minds actually trigger chemical release (neurotransmitters) within our bodies, just as the nutrients we ingest and physical exercise do.
We can take responsibility for our thoughts and we can work towards creating and maintaining feelings of happiness.
Self-Punishment Is Unhelpful
In no way does this mean we should punish ourselves for having feelings of sadness, apathy or depression. I’m merely saying that we have a choice and anti-depressants aren’t necessarily the answer.
If we can learn to acknowledge that we feel bad, that’s half the battle of doing something about it. We can begin to root out the cause of the feeling and address it rather than just accepting this feeling as the status quo.
What’s more, we can start to take responsibility by acknowledging that some of our behaviour we are choosing to engage in may actually be contributing to our feelings.
My Experience Of Depression
What I can tell you is that I worked pretty hard at doing depression for much of my late teens and early twenties. After I closed my first business I took a visit to my doctor and got myself a prescription for Seroxat. I embarked upon a 3-month chemical “cheering up”.
Actually, what happened was I found myself feeling even more disconnected from reality than I had done previously. I can report that I experienced no real emotional lows, I also experience no real emotional highs. And you know the funny thing is, I do believe I was working hard to be depressed. It gave me an excuse to have a time-out for a little while and it gave me a “label” that I could use as an excuse for my feelings and my behaviour.
A Self-fulfilling Prophecy
What concerned me most is that I found myself less inclined to go out with my friends and talk to people about what was going on. I’m grateful for the day that hauled me out of my little hole. Actually, I found myself out with a girlfriend and having fun for the first time in a while – I had momentarily forgotten that I was depressed! Consequently, something happened. Indeed, I found myself asking if it was ok to be having fun, to be happy. In fact, I felt guilty for having a good time! I mean I was depressed – so I shouldn’t, right?
A Dawning Realisation
And it was the dawning realisation of that moment of questioning that stopped my desire to take any more tablets. Never again. It dawned on me that if I worked on forgetting the thoughts that were creating the depression (I didn’t know that then, I just chose to focus on feelings of having fun) then I could actually achieve the state of mind I wanted. Light dawns!
Whatever your experience with your emotions, always remember that feelings are ephemeral, they’re transient and can change from moment to moment if we let them. Indeed, all emotions are to be celebrated. Emotions define and guide our inner compass. Let’s not hide from them!
A Final Note
Please be aware that feelings of sadness, loss, sorrow and grief are not uncommon. However, it is uncommon for them to be present for longer than a two-week period.
There is no shame in asking for help and support. So, if you are experiencing negative feelings please do seek help from friends or a professional to support you in feeling more joyful.
Find Out More About Working With Me
If you’d like to find out more about coaching with me, or if you’d like to arrange a call to see if we’re a good fit for one another, please send me an email to sarah@sarahmerron.com.
You can book coaching online here.
Find out about NLP Training here.
If you’re interested in group training and coaching, you can check out my Farcical Life Programmes here.
