When you're governed by doing the right thing, it's hard to change your mind
Today, I was having a chat with one of my friends.
She’s been looking for a Jack Russell to add to her family and we’ve been discussing this for several weeks. She called me today to say that she’d put down a deposit with a Jack Russell breeder.
“Whoop whoop” I said, “you must be so excited!”. And yet she wasn’t.
Feeling pressured in case you miss out
“What’s the matter” I said. She told me that she had been to visit the breeder, who had turned out to be one of the most renowned police dog trainers in her country. To be clear, he trains German Shepherds rather than Jack Russells for the police, although I do like that image 🙂
She explained that she had felt intimidated by him, because he was so famous and such an expert in his field. She knew the puppies would be homed quickly because, one of the outcomes of Covid-19 is that more and more people are wanting to connect with animals.
She then told me that she couldn’t get the answers she wanted about the father of the puppy and now she was worried that the puppy wasn’t quite right. She thought his legs were too long and she has a passion for short-legged dogs. She’d already paid a $500 USD deposit.
It's not okay to change my mind
“What do you think I should do?” she asked me.
Now, I know nothing about the world of dog breeding, since I’m more of a ‘rescue a scruffy and sick puppy from the street’ kinda gal. So, I made a suggestion.
“What would happen if you contacted the breeder and explain that this puppy doesn’t feel like the right puppy for you and would he mind re-advertising him and refunding your money?” I asked.
“No, I can’t do that!” she said. “It clearly stated that deposits are non-refundable and in my culture we just don’t do that.
“Okay” I said. So, if you can’t get your money back because of the terms and conditions, then so be it. “It’s good to make the decision and trust yourself, isn’t it?”
This is my punishment for making an impulsive decision and I’m just going to have to pay!” She said.
“Hold on a cotton-picking minute!” I was stunned by what she’s just said. “Are you telling me that you think you should be punished or have to pay if you change your mind because something doesn’t feel right for you?”
Self-beating has become a habit
“This is farcical!” I said. “What’s the most important thing for you about getting a puppy?”
“The emotional connection that I feel when I see the puppy” she responded. “OK, so if you have doubts, can you trust that this puppy is the right one for you?” I asked.
“Not at all!” she said.
“In that case, this isn’t the puppy for you and, since you know the puppy will be re-homed in a matter of moments, perhaps you could ask the breeder to re-advertised and refund you if he manages to re-home him.”
“Yes, you’re right, I’m not going to take the puppy and I’m just going to have to pay for my mistake.”
The funny thing is, this story has nothing to do with money. It’s about the fact that we’re so strict on ourselves, that we’ll ignore or de-prioritise our feelings in favour of “doing the RIGHT” thing.
Is this the path to joy? Is this the path to living a happy life right now?
As she continued to berate herself and announce that she was stupid for making an impulsive decision I stopped her.
I want to remind you of two things that someone once told me and I’ve only in recent years managed to bring into my BEING fully.
A wise person once said ...
Number one – “What’s for you, doesn’t go by you.” It doesn’t matter if puppies are being homed like hotcakes. The puppy that’s right for you, will appear at just the right moment and when you look into his eyes, you’ll know.
Number Two – “Sometimes we have to make what seems like the wrong choices to really understand what we do and don’t want.” Should we punish ourselves as we travel through this process or should we celebrate it when we acknowledge the learning?
You ALWAYS have the right to change your mind based on who you are NOW. Do not allow decorum, doing the right thing, or the prioritising of others over yourself allow MISERY and RESENTMENT into your life.
Choose the HAPPY path – choose what FEELS right for you!
Get In Touch
If you’d like to find out more about coaching with me, or if you’d like to arrange a call to see if we’re a good fit for on another, please send me an email to sarah@sarahmerron.com.
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