A Phrase From My Childhood
“I want it to be perfect!” A phrase I’ve said to myself and other people so many times. In fact, I used to think that striving for perfection was something of value to be upheld. Specifically, I believed it supported me in holding a certain standard, and an intention that would make be better than the competition. Now, I’ve changed my mind. That is to say I’ve realised that perfectionism is fear in another jacket.
In fact, it’s quite clear to me now that perfection is an element of my shadow self that I can choose to release. Well, it’s going to take some work and some practice! Actually, perfectionism relates to ego, control, and procrastination. Clearly, any attempt to uphold perfectionism is a good way to block opportunities and create paralysis in our world.
What Is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is often described as the need to be or appear to be perfect. Additionally, this can relate to appearance, as well as output. Of course, perfection is an illusion, because it’s momentary, and completely subjective.
So, what makes us buy into this illusion? The ‘striving’ mindset so many of us have been indoctrinated with, presents perfectionism as a positive. That is to say, it gives us the motivation to deliver our best. However, the negatives of perfectionism far outweigh the positives. For example, there is a very long list of physical and mental health issues associated with a determination to believe in the illusion of perfection.
The Negative Health Impacts of Perfectionism
Perfectionism, is actually self-defeating. It’s built on a foundation of insecurity and fear that involves resisting making a mistake at all costs, let alone admitting one.
The problem is further compounded by the paralysis. That is to say, if you’re busy avoiding making mistakes, it’s very hard to progress in life, or reach any stretching goals. We resist outputting our work, just in case it could be better. This cycle then keeps us from achieving our desires and adds feelings of failure into the mix. Oh dear!
However, and slightly alarming is the long list of issues that go hand in hand with perfectionism. This list, more than just prevents us from realising our full potential. It demonstrates that perfectionism can be seriously damaging to our mental and physical health.
Clinical Health Issues Associated With Perfectionism
- Self harm
- Eating disorders and binge eating
- Insomnia
- Headaches
- Hoarding
- PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)
- OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
- Dyspepsia
- Chronic Fatigue
- Social anxiety
- Early mortality
Mahy studies demonstrate that perfectionists are more likely to suffer from higher levels of stress and burnout.
Even more disturbing, this study [1] links perfectionism with the ideation of suicide. Clearly this is very dangerous, especially in young people.
Perfectionism Seems To Underpin Society
The concept of perfectionism underpins every society. Underscored by the constant portrayal of the perfect body, perfect hair, perfect skin tone or perfect health in the glossy magazines that drives people to plastic surgery and worse, eating disorders. Perhaps it’s the promise of a perfect life, the perfect family, the perfect career, the perfect relationship and more that keeps us praying to the god of perfection.
Either way, the perfectionist mindset leads us into the false idea that we are in control. The irony is that the internal battle to achieve perfection drops us into a tornado. Moreover, from there we have absolutely no control whatsoever.
The fact is, we are so attached to the idea “when I achieve perfection everything will be okay” we are completely disconnected from the present moment. Moreover, life becomes a series of tests and checklists. Each one of them diminish our self-esteem just a little bit more. From this satellite perspective it can be hard to view the big picture and work out where we really are, and what are options are.
Effectively, the longer we continue to allow ideas of perfectionism, the unhappier and unhealthier we become.
Perfectionism Is On The Rise
In 2016, the first cross-generation study to compare perfectionism [2] completed. The research by Curran and Hill studied perfectionist tendencies across generations between 1989 and 2016. They discovered that perfectionism has increased significantly. For example, perfectionism in students in now is more prevalent that it was in the 1990s.
Perfectionism In Eastern Philosophy
In the world of chakra healing, perfectionism stems from an imbalance in the throat chakra. Physical illness in the form of problems with our mouth, ears and throat can manifest. Specifically, sore throats, neck pains, thyroid problems, tinnitus, and asthma
Even more unhelpful, we can often find ourselves unable to speak our truth, express our creativity or verbalise our emotions. If you’d like to read more about this you can read my article on chakras here.
Perfectionism Is The Death of Entrepreneurship
I was recently watching an episode of Beyond The Tank (a documentary dedicated to understanding what happens after an entrepreneur receives an investment in the Shark Tank). As I was listening, I heard Mark Cuban say “Perfection is the enemy of profitability. You can try to make everything perfect but you’re losing opportunity somewhere else.”
In fact, he’s absolutely right, especially in the world of the entrepreneur. If you run your own business you have to be comfortable learning as you go, improving on the last delivery. Otherwise, if you wait for something to be perfect, you’ll never sell anything.
How Do We Work To Release Perfectionistic Ideas?
Slowly. We start by working to release feelings of shame, guilt, vulnerability and exposure. The foundation of perfectionism lies in the belief that we are just not good enough. This belief powers the unhelpful cycle and allows us to set unrealistic goals or resist sharing our best work. Consequently, we ensure our belief comes true.
What’s more, we work in small steps to create a safe space to admit mistakes or errors, reframing failure as feedback. Equally important we lead people to celebrate ‘not knowing’. Effectively we draw parallels with a baking experiment without a recipe. Did we like the cake? Moreover, could we add or take away anything from the ingredients list or recipe to enjoy it more. We allow space for the awareness of subjectivity.
In the worst case scenario, perfectionism is only going to lead to one perfect ending, and that’s the ending of a life.
Do You Want To Ditch Perfection & Learn To Accept Yourself Just As You Are?
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References: Perfection Is Fear In Another Jacket
[1] The perniciousness of perfectionism: A meta-analytic review of the perfectionism-suicide relationship https://www.researchgate.net/publication/318381042_The_perniciousness_of_perfectionism_A_meta-analytic_review_of_the_perfectionism-suicide_relationship
[2] Perfectionism Is Increasing Over Time: A Meta-Analysis of Birth Cohort Differences From 1989 to 2016 https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/bul-bul0000138.pdf
