Isn't It Time We Removed The Fear And Stigma Associated With Suicidal Thoughts?
If your mindset enjoys a clear delineation between right and wrong, or you’re prone to fearful thoughts, I recommend you STOP reading now. Conversely, if you’re flexible in mind and fascinated by mind exploration you’re going to find this really interesting. In fact, if you’re already motivated by growth, learning and development, you’ll probably appreciate those suicidal thoughts are a part of growth.
To be absolutely clear, in this article I’m talking about thought, rather than an action. Action in this realm operates from a completely different trigger in the psyche and requires immediate support from a professional psychologist or psychotherapist.
More Mainstream Than We Might Imagine
It’s reasonable to suggest that a high proportion of adult women on the planet have experienced a suicidal thought or two throughout life. Often, hormones can trigger those thoughts and we learn how to manage them with nutrition, mindset and the wonders of vitamin B!
However, it’s also useful to acknowledge that men also experience these thoughts and that they’re not always triggered by a shift in hormones. Many things contribute to a presence of this type of extreme thought wafting through our mind. For example, lack of sleep, poor nutrition, overuse of alcohol or drugs, stress and lack of exercise or release behaviours can all make our minds more susceptible to the negative thought spirals.
Where Do These Ideas Come From?
If we think of the psyche as having lots of different levels simultaneously, holding a set of ideas, values and beliefs that are represented by a concept. We might think of the foundation level as survival. Specifically, this will be founded by our innate desire to survive and procreate and will hold ideas and beliefs related to (1) what we think we need to survive for as long as possible (2) what could limit our survival and (3) everything in between the first two groups.
As we move into the second level of experience we begin to see the value of connecting with other people. We come together in groups, or perhaps we have the urge to find our people, our tribe. Interestingly, as soon as there is more than one, more than us, the opportunity arises for us to project our thoughts, ideas and expectations on others.
The illusory concept of control begins to creep in, where we imagine that if everyone aligns and everyone is controlled by something greater, life will work out fine. Some of the delightful emotions that present within this level are a deep sense of belonging, connection, trust in something greater than us, feeling looked after, being part of something and protection.
Conversely, when things pan out in a way we don’t expect, we experience the unhelpful emotions of isolation, sadness, loneliness, disappointment, loss and we feel as if we are the victim of circumstances. Thoughts such as “why is this happening to me?” and “why is life punishing me?” spring into our mind. Effectively, we feel separated from the group, perhaps even unacceptable to the group and as if we have to fend for ourselves. Clearly the most extreme idea we can muster at this level is along the lines of “I don’t belong here or I am unloved or unwanted.” You can see how the opening to the rabbit hole appears, can’t you?
How Is It Possible Suicidal Thoughts Are A Part Of Growth?
When we’re pushing out of our comfort zone, hopefully, we’re operating with an open heart. Frequently, we use feelings of hope, optimism and the vision of achievement to motivate our efforts. We push beyond thought frameworks, physical boundaries and concepts of possible to go after our dreams.
Honestly, most humans want the short cut. As a result of being pumped with instant gratification marketing, there’s always a small part of us that believes maybe we’ll become millionaires overnight, find 500 perfect customers on the first Google Ad we run, or evolve into Buddha mindset, achieving Samadhi during our first meditation. Let’s be honest, everyone everywhere has had a similar, ‘magic wand’ thought. In fact, the beauty of children is they allow those thoughts to reside in their minds for long periods of time. Wonderful!
In reality, as we know, sustainable growth often happens at a much slower pace. It’s a series of two steps forward and maybe even three steps back, as we learn resilience and other gifts such as patience, testing and feedback and more. With every round of growth experimentation, we can cycle through the levels of our experience and this may involve a visit into the second level. For example, if you’ve ever put your heart and soul into a project, and it wasn’t received with the enthusiasm we expected, there’s a possibility for disappointment to creep in before we find our path onto the realisation that we’re still moving forward and our aim is improving with every step.
Open Hearts Allow Everything In
The simple fact is, when we approach life with an open heart, whether we’re working on a relationship, a project at work or our own business, we have high hopes when we engage our best efforts. When our hearts are open, they’re open to everything – all the feelings available. What’s more, when we’re pushing for deadlines, we use a huge amount of energy to bring something into the material world, effectively to the climax or peak.
Following that, the natural flow is downwards, a time to rest and recuperate. We can’t always be ‘ON’. Now, if that flow downwards is coupled with a feeling of anticlimax or missed expectations, it’s a short leap to feelings of loss, disappointment or not being part of the greater group. We may feel as if we just don’t get it!
Naturally, as we practice growth, we become better at releasing expectations and enjoying the ‘wait and see’ with a hopeful dash of curiosity. What’s more, even if we do feel extreme disappointment, we can quickly reframe it, putting it down to experience, and get back on the horse. When we first start, it isn’t that easy. Additionally, if we find ourselves in a place where everything seems to tumble at once, it can be challenging to keep the resilience bubble afloat. And, that’s okay.
How we manage it from there dictates how we move forward. If we can explore all these feelings as a learning tool, we benefit from even more rapid growth. If we allow ourselves to get stuck in the quicksand, we might want to reach out for some support.
To Share Or Not To Share - That Is The Question
Let’s be honest, most people panic if someone shares an idea that borders on a suicidal thought. What’s more, sharing with close friends or loved ones can result in a reaction that is unhelpful for both parties, depending on their relationship with fear or understanding of how the mind works. Quite simply, it depends on the thoughts and feelings surrounding the situation.
If you’re scaring yourself, SHARE. In fact, pick up the phone, share quickly with a loved one and get professional help.
Actually, if you’ve had the experience before and you’ve been able to work through it, fear probably isn’t the dominant feeling in your awareness. That being the case, you might consider a different way to resolve the thoughts and feelings surrounding this concept Specifically, you may want to approach it with a rational conversation and explore the idea to its resolution.
Even better, if you’re lucky enough to have extremely grounded people in your life, it also helps to share. Specifically, people who just say “okay” and then listen to what you have to say without any attempt to fix or change it. By the way, if you do have people like this in your life, keep them there. They’ll celebrate your ups and commiserate your downs, without judgement or sway.
Free From Fear, We Can Explore & Find Resolution
When we look at a thought as just a thought, we can separate it from fear and engage our curiosity. We can ask “what is this really all about?”
Now, if you’re a personal development junkie and you have strict beliefs around the ideas of “I create what I think”, you’ll find it challenging to separate from fear until you appreciate the big picture. The fact is, when we explore an idea to the end, we can resolve it and remove the energetic element (emotion). We can acknowledge it as just a thought, that may come in and may flow it, with limited impact. Moreover, when we free it from any emotion and operate in observation mode, it becomes purely something that helps us build a more intimate relationship with self and a greater awareness of our triggers.
In a similar way, if you’re fond of religion, you may imagine that it’s strictly forbidden to even think such an extreme thought. And that’s just fine. However, if you are choosing to stretch beyond that thought boundary, it may allay your concerns to know that a thought is extremely different from an act, and there are many steps in between. Moreover, this particular act often requires a significant amount of anger to realise and when we’re wading around in the second level of experience, quite frankly, we just don’t have the energy for anger.
Creeping Towards Resolution
So, how can we move towards resolution? What does it really mean to explore our dark side? Well,in reality, it’s useful to accept that it’s okay to have “a dark side”, the Darth Vader that resides within and we may even choose to inject a dash of humour to help us along the way. In fact, when we can step outside of polarised thought patterns where only opposites exist, you’ll allow yourself to notice that there are many thoughts and ideas on the path to and on the path from a suicidal thought.
Moreover, we may also open to the idea that sometimes our minds present something extreme to force us to pay attention to something. Frankly, we’re likely to ignore a situation that triggers a feeling of “okay” and yet it’s harder to ignore a situation that triggers the idea that you might not want to participate in this life experience anymore.
If you’ve worked with me, you’ll know I encourage a dramatic dive in to all emotions. As I mentioned above, when we’re in this place of extreme negative thought, we may be operating from a victim mindset “why does this happen to me?”, or we may be experiencing extreme feelings of loss, disappointment or sadness.
Either way, in my opinion, we can work through and resolve those issues by embracing them fully. If you’re feeling like a victim of circumstance then dive under your duvet and be that victim to your full potential until you can resolve it to humour or bland observation. To explain, bland observation is the feeling of total boredom with the thoughts and behaviour, where we just can’t be bothered to feel that way anymore. In the same way, we can dive in for resolution with any other helpful emotions. By exploring them to their extremes, we find the point of resolution. Come on, at some point we can all see the funny side of wailing and writhing under our duvet, especially if we choose to wail at top volume!
Direct, Roundabout or Another Way - They All Work!
Depending on how we’re feeling in that moment, we can either choose to gently investigate or go straight for the jugular. If we take the less incisive approach, we’ll begin to ask ourselves what thoughts happened prior to this particular thought. Specifically, we’ll work our way backwards to gain insight and understanding to how we arrived here. It’s an interesting process and allows us to appreciate the thoughts we have in our mind that are unhelpful or helpful.
This approach can allow us to rationalize some of the experiences that may not serve us, and the thought patterns that can facilitate a fall down the rabbit hole into isolation or sadness.
If we go for the jugular, we’ll dive straight in and ask “well what would happen if I did?” Followed by a whole host of other questions exploring the impact of that decision on our environment, our relationships, our life experience, our beliefs, our values, and our identity. Honestly, I prefer the jugular approach. It feels like a humorous way of sticking two fingers up at the idea for me. Then again, this isn’t my first rodeo in this state and I’m sure I haven’t always approached it in such a ‘head-on’ fashion.
Whichever route you choose, you will reap the rewards. You will begin to bring patterns of thought and behaviour into your awareness. That is to say, you’ll begin to see the triggers for feelings of difference, isolation, disappointment, sadness, loss or how expectations, that we had no business projecting on others, are missed. Specifically, we begin to learn what serves us and what doesn’t, forging a new path and more helpful behaviour for the future.
If We Can Accept Them, How Can We Manage Them
If you’ve been swimming in this ocean before, you’ll have your own way to insert the ladder and climb out. Mind you, if you’re having an extremely blue day and you’d like to try something else, there is a range of behaviour that can support us in getting our foot on the first rung.
Get Outside In Nature or Just Move Your Body
That’s right. Getting outside and spending time in nature is inherently calming. If you’re not in the mood to get your heart rate up, so be it. Just walk, and keep walking, until you feel slightly different. If you’re a fan of running, something miraculous happens when you speed up the pace of blood pumping through your heart. You shift toxins from your body, you can literally sweat out negativity.
Eat Fresh Food
Eating high quality food impacts the way you feel physically. What’s more, fresh eaten as close to coming of the tree, vine, or out of the ground does wonders for your immune system and your body chemical balance. No additives, no flavourings, in fact, nothing to mess with the flow of energy through your body. When we feel physically healthy, our mind feels more resilient, buoyant or upbeat. What’s more, dark green leafy veggies are high in folates or Vitamin B.
Swallow Vitamin B In Bucket-loads
I’m an advocate of taking a regular vitamin B supplement, even though I probably get plenty of Vitamin B in my diet. It seems to have a beautiful cooling affect on the nervous system and supports us in managing stress, and maintaining a happy-go-lucky mindset. I’m a “Neurobion” girl myself because it seems to have every B vitamin you could possibly desire. Aside of facilitating a more chipper mood, this article states “Folic acid and vitamin B12 may have roles in the prevention of disorders of CNS development, mood disorders, and dementias, including Alzheimer’s disease and vascular dementia in elderly people.” A highly compelling reason to pop a supplement in your mouth every day. Even more so, if I feel a dark cloud coming, I double my dose. Within reason, you can’t overdose, your body manages any excess by passing urine.
Go To Sleep
Lack of sleep can really mess with your mind. Dark clouds arrive quicker if you’ve been burning the candle at both ends. It’s as if our ability to see the bigger picture begins to minimise and the tiniest of challenges grow in our experience. Even better, and for me the best use of sleep, is to use it as a cure. When you’re feeling blue, you can pretty much guarantee that you’ll feel less blue when you wake up, especially if you get out of bed and go and stand in direct sunlight.
Drink More Water
Truly, I never really appreciated the impact of dehydration until I moved to Sri Lanka. When you’re rushing around in close to 40-degree heat, your body requires a lot of fluid. If you ignore that requirement, there are obvious physical symptoms. Specifically, feeling lethargic or lightheaded, to name just two. I never before appreciated how dehydration can negatively impact our mood, triggering irritation or negative thoughts. So, whatever you do, ensure you’re drinking enough water every day.
Do Something You Love
Some people suggest that we should overcome feelings of isolation or difference by getting out there and mixing with people. This can work, and yet we don’t always feel like it. So, if the latter is the case for you, I would recommend indulging yourself in something you love. Watch a film, read a book, take a bath, play an instrument, or invest in a spot of TLC and get on the massage table. Do whatever FEELS good. Only you can know.
Seeing Things From A Different Perspective
Personally, I have used all of the techniques above, in addition to working with a coach when I’m in a real funk. Additionally, when I’m looking for an urgent fix, I turn to YouTube and enjoy the glorious humour of Mr Alan Watts. If you’re unfamiliar with him, he is a British philosopher who brought teachings of the Ancient East to the Western world in the last century. His book “On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are”, in my opinion, is insightful.
On this particular topic, if you’re open to exploring the humour around the issue of extreme negative thoughts, I would recommend taking the time to watch either of the videos below.
Resilience Builds With Every Successful Resolution
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? Was it too soon for a joke? Well, you’ll appreciate by now my penchant for activating humour when we’re working with the dark side.
On a more serious note, every single time we face our shadow self head on, stare it in the face and find resolution, we get stronger. We become more adept at guiding ourselves to more empowering and enjoyable experiences. In essence, we’re building our resilience.
The more resilient we are, the better equipped we are to stand still in the storm, find calmness in the face of the unexpected and create our dreams in reality – no matter what barriers we face.
Quite simply, we move one step closer to success, in any circumstance.
Find Out More About Working With Me
Find out more about my Ultimate Destination NLP Training in 2021.
To find out more about coaching with me, or if you’d like to arrange a call to see if we’re a good fit for one another, please send me an email to sarah@sarahmerron.com.
Interested to discover more about about NLP Training here.
Check out my Corporate Training, Corporate Coaching & Business and Entrepreneur Coaching.
If you’re interested in group training and coaching, you can check out my Farcical Life Programmes here.
