Surviving a Toxic Manager or Colleague (Without Losing Your Sanity or Your Lunch Break)
There comes a moment in every professional’s life when you realise you are dealing with a toxic manager or colleague. Maybe it was when they took credit for your idea. Or perhaps when they emailed you at 11:58 p.m. with the subject line: “Quick task – URGENT.” Could it have been when they gave you 29 tasks to complete in 24 hours on a Friday afternoon and then sent an email stating, “I DON’T WANT YOU TO WORK ON THE WEEKEND”? Or possibly when they muttered, “Let’s take this offline” – right before sending a scathing email CC’ing half the company.
Whatever the trigger, once you feel disrespected, everything that person does starts to feel like a personal attack. If they breathe too loudly—rude. If they spell your name wrong in emails—it’s a power play. They ask if you can “review” something again—clearly code for “I enjoy watching you suffer.”
But what if their behaviour says far more about them than it does about you? And what if your brain, once primed for hostility, starts perceiving everything as a personal slight? A manager or colleague who belittles, undermines, or generally makes life miserable is not operating from a place of power—they’re operating from a place of deep, existential smallness.
Here’s another thought: what if it’s not personal at all?
What if they were just having a bad day? Maybe they spilt coffee on their lap, fought with their partner, or got an unexpected “Can you jump on a quick call?” message right before lunch. And yet, your brain—now fully convinced they’re the corporate villain in your personal origin story—has decided they’re on a mission to destroy you. When in reality? They might not even remember the interaction five minutes later.
So here’s a rule of thumb:
- Once? Give them the benefit of the doubt.
- Twice? Make a mental note.
- Three times? It’s a pattern, and you’ll want to take some action.
Because there’s a difference between someone having an off day and someone who has made your misery their daily hobby.
The key is learning to tell the difference.
Should I Run Away?
Think about it: does a truly confident person need to terrorise the people around them to feel important? No. A secure professional doesn’t need to lurk in meetings, waiting to interrupt someone mid-sentence. That’s the behaviour of someone who feels like a small, ineffective cog in a corporate machine and has decided to take it out on you.
Now, the knee-jerk reaction in these situations is often to run. To quit. To craft an elaborate excuse about needing to “pursue new opportunities” or “spend more time with family.” And if leaving is the best option, then by all means, leave.
Time For Questions
But sometimes, quitting is just fear wearing a business casual disguise. Sometimes, the real power move is to stay, maintain an unnervingly calm presence, and—wait for it—ask questions.
Yes, you heard that right. Instead of letting resentment fester, try responding to their behaviour in real time. When they snap at you, tilt your head slightly like a confused golden retriever and ask, “I’m curious—are you aware that your body language and tone appear aggressive? Is that your intention? Shall we discuss the real concern here so you can get it out of your system?”
Watch what happens next.
If interrupted in meetings, a polite “I’d love to finish my thought”—delivered with the poise of a news anchor—can work wonders. You’d be surprised how quickly bullies fold when confronted with composure.
And here’s the bonus: nobody owns your credibility except you. No matter how many emails they CC the entire office on, no matter how many times they sigh dramatically when you speak, they cannot take away your worth unless you hand it to them on a silver platter.
Your reputation is not founded on their bad behaviour—it is built on how you handle it and your overall contribution to the workplace.
A Cue To Work on yourself?
Alright, let’s be honest—if this behaviour is really getting under your skin, what exactly is setting you off? Do you genuinely believe people are out to attack you? Do you see life as one long battle where you have to struggle, overcome, and ultimately win? Or is your brain running an old script where authority figures are the villains, and you’re the underdog fighting for survival?
Because here’s the thing—yes, toxic managers and colleagues exist, but your reaction to them? That’s all you. If every dismissive comment, demand, or passive-aggressive email feels like a personal attack, it’s worth asking yourself: What part of me is engaging in this fight? And more importantly, do I actually want to keep fighting it?
If the answer is no, then maybe it’s time to take a step back. What if the real work isn’t about standing your ground or proving a point, but actually clearing out the old beliefs that keep you stuck in this pattern? A bit of coaching, a deep dive into your mindset, and some emotional release work might just make all the difference.
Because let’s face it—what if the real win isn’t fighting the war, but realising you don’t have to fight it at all?
Only you can know and the exploration is worth it.
Life is too short
So, is it worth spending hours spiralling over their latest power trip? Rehearsing revenge monologues in the shower? Scrolling job listings at 2 a.m. while rage-eating biscuits? Probably not.
Life is too short to let a colleague with control issues or a middle manager with a fragile ego live rent-free in your head. Either address the matter, resolve it, and move forward, or recognise when it’s time to pack up your stapler and go. Just don’t let a small person make you feel small.
Because in reality, unhappy managers and colleagues will come and go. Your dignity? That’s yours to keep.
want a sanity check
If you think you have a toxic manager or colleague in your world and you’d like a sanity check, get in touch at sarah@sarahmerron.com. Sometimes, you’re dealing with a genuine workplace tyrant—other times, you might just need a nap and a snack.
Either way, I’m here to help you figure out whether you need to stand your ground, set some boundaries, or start plotting your dramatic exit (preferably with a PowerPoint titled “Why I Quit: A Masterclass in Corporate Survival”)—but hopefully, it won’t come to that.
