The Hidden Triggers of Addiction: When You Don’t Feel Safe Being Yourself
Addiction is not what you think it is.
Dependency isn’t about substances. It isn’t about alcohol, drugs, food, work, or social media.
At its core, addiction is an escape. A desperate attempt to outrun pain, silence the noise of self-doubt, and fill the emptiness left by wounds we don’t know how to heal.
For many, two deep-rooted emotional triggers lie at the heart of addiction:
- The belief that it’s not okay to be who you truly are.
- The fear of abandonment.
These, often hidden, triggers of addiction don’t just appear overnight. They form in childhood, shaping the way we see ourselves and our place in the world. And until we address them at their source, they keep us trapped in cycles of distraction, avoidance, and self-destruction.
Let’s explore how these silent forces drive addiction—and how to break free.
Trigger #1: Feeling That Who You Are Isn’t Enough
Where It Begins: The Weight of Shame and Premature Responsibility
From an early age, many of us receive messages that who we are isn’t acceptable. Maybe it was through words:
- “Stop being so sensitive.”
- “Why can’t you be more like your sibling?”
- “You’ll never amount to anything if you act like that.”
Or perhaps it was non-verbal—disapproving glances, withdrawn affection, or a sense that love was conditional on how well we behaved.
For some, the wound runs even deeper.
Some children are forced to grow up too soon – taking on responsibilities beyond their years.
- Maybe they had to become the caretaker, looking after younger siblings while still a child themselves.
- Maybe they had to work to support their family, taking on financial burdens that were never theirs to bear.
- Maybe they were the emotional support system for struggling parents, expected to be strong, mature, and self-sufficient.
In these cases, childhood isn’t about exploration, play, or self-discovery – it’s about survival. And when survival becomes the priority, your own needs, emotions, and identity take a back seat.
Over time, this creates a deep internalised belief:
- “Who I am doesn’t matter—what I do for others does.”
- “I’m only valuable when I’m useful.”
- “Rest, play, or just being myself is selfish.”
This belief is shame in disguise. A relentless, quiet voice whispering: You’re only worthy if you earn it.
How SHaME & early responsibility Fuels Addiction
Shame and premature responsibility create an internal war: a constant battle between who we are and who we think we’re supposed to be.
To escape this war, we turn to:
- Alcohol or drugs to numb the pressure.
- Workaholism or overachievement to prove our worth.
- People-pleasing to seek approval.
- Mindless scrolling, binge-watching, or compulsive behaviours to silence the voice of self-doubt.
For those who carried the weight of adulthood as children, addiction often isn’t about self-destruction – it’s about relief. A desperate attempt to finally put down the burden of always being “the responsible one.”
But no matter how much we try to distract ourselves, the feeling remains: I’m not good enough as I am.
Breaking Free: Reclaiming Your Right to Exist
The antidote to this trigger isn’t more validation, success, or external approval. It’s self-acceptance.
Healing begins when we challenge the belief that our worth is tied to what we do, how we look, or how others perceive us.
Some powerful ways to start:
- Self-compassion – speaking to yourself with kindness instead of criticism.
- Releasing shame – through NLP, hypnotherapy, counselling or Time Line Therapy®, we can reprogram limiting beliefs and detach from past conditioning.
- Authenticity – finding the courage to express who you are without seeking permission.
You don’t need to earn the right to be here. You were always enough.
Trigger #2: Fear of Abandonment (And How You Abandoned Yourself First)
Where It Begins: Childhood Coping Mechanisms
As children, we need connection to survive. When our parents are controlling, emotionally unavailable, or disapproving, we instinctively adjust our behaviour to keep the peace.
Some learn to suppress emotions to avoid upsetting others.
Some become hyper-independent, never asking for help.
Some seek constant approval, terrified of rejection.
And some—perhaps the most heart-wrenching—disconnect from themselves entirely, believing: If I become what others need me to be, maybe I won’t be left behind.
This is the first abandonment. Not by others, but by ourselves.
How Abandonment Fuels Addiction
Fast forward to adulthood, and the idea of being alone – truly alone, without distractions – feels unbearable.
The silence brings up feelings of:
- Unworthiness (Why am I not enough on my own?)
- Loneliness (No one understands me.)
- Panic (If I stop keeping busy, I might fall apart.)
To avoid this discomfort, we turn to:
- Work, social media, or constant busyness to escape stillness.
- Toxic relationships or codependency to feel needed.
- Substances or compulsions to quiet the anxiety.
Distraction is not healing. And no amount of external validation can fill the void left by self-abandonment.
Breaking Free: Learning to Be With Yourself
Healing from self-abandonment means learning to sit with yourself without fear.
Start with small steps:
- Mindfulness & breathwork – practising stillness without judgment.
- Inner child work – reconnecting with the part of you that felt unsafe.
- Releasing old patterns – using NLP and hypnotherapy to rewire the belief system around loneliness and abandonment. Working with Time Line Therapy® to reframe, accept and befriend our emotions.
- Creating A New Structure -new structures, different environments and fixed schedules support the changes you make in your mind.
The more we come back to ourselves, the less we need to seek escape.
The Way Forward: Addiction Is a Symptom, Not the Problem
Addiction isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of pain seeking relief.
It’s a coping strategy for wounds that were never given space to heal.
And here’s the truth:
- You were never too much or not enough.
- You never had to abandon yourself to be loved.
- You were always worthy of acceptance – just as you are.
Breaking free from addiction isn’t about willpower. It’s about reconnecting with yourself and healing the triggers that created the cycle in the first place.
The moment you stop running, you realise: you were never lost to begin with.
You were always here. Waiting for you to come home.
Ready to End The Cycle?
Breaking free from addiction – or any unwanted behaviour – isn’t about sheer willpower. It’s about uncovering and healing the real reasons behind the cycle. When you stop running from yourself and start reconnecting with who you truly are, transformation becomes possible.
If this article resonated with you, and you’re ready to address the root cause of the patterns holding you back, I invite you to discuss my Total Shift: The 12-Month Change Programme. This is a guided journey designed to help you break free from limiting beliefs, release emotional baggage, and create lasting change – not just in your habits, but in your mindset, emotions, and self-identity.
You don’t need more discipline. You need a different approach.
