Every single one of us experiences feelings of anger and from a very young age. We may allow our conscious mind to perceive that the ‘terrible twos’ temper tantrums are the first manifestation of rage in our lives. However, it’s likely our first feelings of anger occur when we are babies. When we appreciate what anger represents, we can identify the trigger and use it as a catalyst for personal empowerment. Anger is merely the external expression of feelings of powerlessness. When you can see what creates feelings of diminished power, you can transform your anger with purpose into ownership, acknowledgement of self-worth and authenticity.
It's Just A Coping Mechanism
We tend to shy away from anger. I wonder whether we perceive it as a loss of control and feel it’s something to brush under the carpet. Frequently, feelings of regret, guilt and shame follow.
However, if we can stare it in the face and ask valid questions that bring the trigger, the reaction and the feeling into the light, we can transform our anger with purpose. After all, it’s just a coping mechanism that we learned a very long time ago.
Primal Emotions
At the primal level, anger follows fear. Fear that what’s coming next is something that we don’t want. Have you ever heard the rage in the scream of a baby left alone for a long time? Is the child demanding “why are my needs not being met?” via the only means of communication possible? Once again, merely a coping mechanism to manage feeling unsafe.
As we travel forward in time to adulthood, those feelings attract other events that feel frightening or unsafe. Our logic tells us we must develop even more coping mechanisms around the original. We start collating a folder in our mind files called “dangers to predict and prevent”. Ironically, this folder acts like a magnet for more unsafe opportunities. In other words, accidents waiting to happen!
Anger Is A Message From Our Unconscious
Learning to interpret the unconscious message of anger requires us to accept and acknowledge that it has a positive purpose. Easier said than done! However, if we can go somewhere quiet and ask relevant questions, we can move into acceptance more quickly.
Think of anger as your protection force field, a bodyguard for emotions that leave us feeling vulnerable or weak. In reality, nature never fails us. Have you noticed how the adrenaline we experience alongside anger offers the perfect antidote to feeling powerless?
Once we acknowledge this, we can see that a choice exists. We can decide whether we’re going to maintain our force field and destroy anything that tries to cross it. We might call this boundary-setting from rejection. Or we can lower it and choose to change our relationship with vulnerability, which offers a step towards empowerment.
Transform Your Anger With Purpose
We all know how destructive anger can be. In a matter of moments, we can tear down relationships by delivering words and emotions that are disproportionate to the situation. So, how can we take that powerful energy and transform it from destruction into creation?
We acknowledge polarity so we can view vulnerability from a different perspective. That being, for strength to exist, vulnerability must also be present. To put it another way, do feelings of courage manifest independently, or is it only possible to find our strength by acknowledging our vulnerability? Must we accept vulnerability in order to discover strength? Let’s imagine for a moment that’s true, could our vulnerability be our strength? As we pursue this path, we can ask questions to support us in accepting feelings of weakness or vulnerability.
If you are present in the moment, you have a beautiful physical warning system for anger. You’ll notice the emotion of anger rising in your body as the adrenaline begins to kick in. It’s like a force rising from our core. You may even feel your hands start to shake. If you can catch anger at this stage, you’re in luck. Take a deep breath and excuse yourself from the room or remove yourself from the situation.
Simple Questions
Then find somewhere quiet to sit and focus on your breathing and allow the adrenaline to flow out of your body. Then ask yourself a whole host of simple questions.
You may find the first answers that come are from a place of rejection rather than empowerment. That’s okay – let them flow.
- What is it about this situation that creates feelings of powerlessness for me?
- If I were to act from a place of power, what would I do or say differently?
- Is that my truth? If so, how does it serve me?
- What is it about me that I’m rejecting in this situation?
- How am I judging myself in this situation?
- Is there anything in my own being, thoughts or behaviour that I’m choosing not to face or accept?
- What is my belief or projection of the cause of my anger and how is that actually caused by me?
Delving Deeper To Find The Triggers For Transformation
There are a few feelings that develop from feelings of dis-empowerment. These include jealousy, envy, sadness, apathy, anger or rage, feeling unable to take responsibility or like a victim of circumstance.
We can also acknowledge that feelings of powerlessness may stem from a need to control. Emotionally driven behaviours linking to control are:
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- Judging others which in reality is self-judgement.
- Our values being overrun.
- An inability to enforce our personal space or boundaries gently.
- FearÂ
- Buying into the illusion that we control others.
- Refusing to speak our truth to control how someone else reacts.
- Anger regarding a lack of order.
- Inability to face our shadow self, resulting in an over-focus on what others are doing.
- Searching for our answers in other people’s reactions.
Questions To Reflect & Transform Anger With Purpose
As we begin to expand our awareness into acceptance we can ask more and more questions to transform our reality. The answers always lie in the questions we choose to ask.
- What is the purpose of feeling this way?
- Does this feeling allow me to do something that I’m not permitting myself to do normally?
- What could be different if I chose to permit myself to do that before I became angry?
- Does feeling this way allow me NOT to do something?
- What is causing me to choose to avoid doing that?
- If I were to accept myself just as I am in this moment, what is it inside me that’s triggering this reaction?
- Could things be different if I chose to express that freely? How would I feel?
- When I choose to act in anger, what’s happening?
- What’s not happening when I choose to speak or act in anger?
- If I didn’t choose to express this via anger, what would happen?
- What wouldn’t happen if I wasn’t angry at all? What would be present?
- How does that feel now?
- Can I use this awareness to operate from my peaceful truth going forward?
Try using this to transform your power into a more productive and purposeful creative energy! Remember that a peaceful mind comes from self-acceptance, aligning your behaviour with your truth and integrating all elements of your knowledge and experience to act from wholeness.
Step into your power!
And for the record, sometimes we benefit from expressing anger. A good scream out of a car window or inside the shower can feel truly cathartic. 🙂
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