Can A Focus On Connection Reduce A Need For Defence & Futile Competition?
When we focus on connection we have the ability to see similarity. In addition, we can find compassion and we’re able to feel empathy. Conversely, when our focus is on difference and separation we often reject people, ideas and behaviour. Indeed, this rejected is founded on a sense that a person is so “not me.”
Often when we place people, ideas and concepts in the “not me” category we begin to create plans for defending ourselves, overcoming or superseding. Effectively, we place those people or ideas in the enemy camp. How does this happen so easily or quickly? In actual fact, we do this because we’ve been trained to do it. From the moment we’re born into this world, we’re subjected to familial and social conditioning of a tribal nature, explicitly a ‘them’ and ‘us’ categorisation. We’re focusing on separation and difference, rather than placing our focus on connection.
Moreover, this early training often impacts our thinking at a profound level. From that moment on, and throughout adult lives, we run that programme, until we notice that it doesn’t serve us anymore.
Converse Perspectives
Recently, I chatted with someone on a social media platform. I asked “what are you busy creating or co-creating with your clients right now?”.
They responded “I don’t co-create sh*t, I’m a recruiter!” Even though the response was written, the tone of the message screamed “Are you MAD woman?”
“WOW! WOW! WOW!” I thought. That is to say, this is such a converse perspective to mine and how I see my clients and my connections. My focus on connection is dominant in my awareness.
Consequently, my brain started travelling.
It's Hard To Focus On Connection When We Learn A 'Them & Us' Culture
It’s no great surprise that sometimes we feel separate is it? I mean, we’re conditioned from birth to believe in a “them” and an “us”. We’re pitched against each other constantly. In fact, we’re often programmed to imagine fighting something or someone, rather than seeing our relationships (business and personal) as working towards the same end goal.
More often than not, we’re taught to be ‘them and us’ socially, in sports, in gender, in creed, in money, in race, in politics, in geography, in almost everything. All that focus driving greater feelings of difference and separation.
Can We Take A More Connected Approach?
So, how can we take a different approach? Perhaps we could stop. Maybe we can teach the next generation that we’re all working together. Possibly, we can encourage people to understand that every external encounter is there for the purpose of creating harmony through awareness inside. Potentially, we can stop highlighting the difference. Perhaps we can stop framing ‘them’ as an enemy worthy of defence. Conceivably, we can encourage questions such as “what is it in me that is reacting so strongly to that behaviour/thought/idea?”
Truly, I think it’s important for us to consider how we can minimise feelings of separation and bring people together. Is compromise, alignment and a feeling of true connection possible? That is to say, will we ever see ourselves, everyone and everything else as part of a greater whole?
In reality, we don’t all have to agree on ideas and behaviour. Isn’t it about knowing that we are all in this together?
What do you think? I’d love to know!
Find Out More About Working With Me
If you’d like to find out more about coaching with me, or if you’d like to arrange a call to see if we’re a good fit for one another, please send me an email to sarah@sarahmerron.com.
You can book coaching online here.
If you’re interested in group training and coaching, you can check out my Farcical Life Programmes here.
Would You Like Some Support?
Would you like some support in working your way to more acceptance and connection? If so, you might enjoy listening to this free RANTRA. It’s designed for daily use for 21 days.
You can also download the scripts to speak along with me here.
Happy listening!
