What Links Virginia Satir And Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)?
Considered to be the guru of family therapy, Satir was an obvious modelling choice for Bandler and Grinder, the founders of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). In fact, her five distinct personality roles and her meta model questioning process connect Virginia Satir and Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) at a fundamental level.
Virginia Satir believed that the role we assume in the family we grow up in is the seed from which our adult selves grow. Satir was particularly interested in the roles we adopt when family relationships are strained and the dynamics between members are not as healthy and productive as they could be.
Effectively, Satir suggested that we learn to react in certain ways to the members of our family. These reactions shape a role that we adopt and often represent under stressful circumstances. What’s more, this role can overwhelm our authentic self and travel through into adulthood with us. Consequently, she believed the family is where our personality is manufactured.
Who Was Virgainia Satir? (1916 - 1988)
Born on a farm in Wisconsin, Satir was a self-confessed “detective of people’s parents”. After an illness she lost her hearing for two years, heightening her ability to observe non-verbal communication. What’s more, it gave her a sensitive insight into human behaviour.
Her father was an alcoholic and this gave her an awareness of the range behavioural roles we play in families. From this observation she developed her 5 personality roles.
Although she trained as a teacher, she was more interested in the area of self-esteem in children, or lack thereof. Therefore, she progressed her education with a Master degree in social work and created the first form family therapy training programme using the Satir Model. This model is still highly influential in psychology today. Bandler and Grinder used the Satir Model to create the Meta Model of questioning in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP).
Virginia Satir treated her first family in therapy in 1951. At the time, many people viewed her methods as unconventional. Furthermore, she also insisted on working with the entire family, rather than the person expressing difficulty. Approaching the issue in this way, she could address the issues rooted in the family dynamic. She believed this could heal the entire family from the inside out.
Satir believed everyone possesses the capacity for growth and transformation, and the ability to learn continuously throughout their lives.
In developing her technique, she focused on finding the inner self and stimulating change at the core of a person’s being. She believed people could access a spiritual Life Energy to influence their emotions and behaviours, begin or further the journey toward healing and growth, and improve interactions with others.
Finally, Satir believed that the pain people experience is the result of the way they manage their perceptions, expectations, emotions, and behaviours.
Books By Virginia Satir
If you’re studying NLP or you’re working in Family Therapy or social work, you might be interested in reading some of Satir’s books. You can see them below and either download the PDF or click the images to buy on Amazon.
Wholeness, Capability And Connection: More Links Between Virginia Satir and Neuro-Linguistic Programming
The foundation of the Satir Model includes ideas such as “all people are connected through a universal life energy, which can be accessed to achieve transformational change, develop and strengthen relationships, change behaviors, and develop positive life experience.”
Virginia Satir also held the following beliefs and operated her practice from this frame of reference.
- All people are innately good and are born with pure positivity at their core.
- Everyone possesses the necessary coping resources to face life’s challenges. If a person feels unable to cope, they are yet to access the resources or they view them negatively.
- All human beings experience themselves through the same universal processes: feeling, thinking, doing, expecting, desiring, and connecting at a spiritual level.
- Treatment should focus on health, possibilities, and hope, not on the negative aspects of the problem.
- Problems stem from coping mechanisms rather than the problems themselves.
- Everyone can change.
- We can’t change the past and we can change the present.
- Everyone is doing the best they can at any given moment.
- We are in charge of the emotions we choose to hold onto or let go of.
For those of you studying NLP, you’ll appreciate the similarity between Satir’s Model and the 14 Presuppositions of NLP!
Virginia Satir's 5 Personality Roles
When family members do not have the ability to openly express emotion and care or affection, Satir suggested that a role emerges for us to play. We create these roles for protection and coping. The challenge is that these roles tend to supersede our authentic selves and we carry them into adulthood.
Specifically, Satir believed a healthy family life involves open and reciprocated displays of affection. Additionally, all members show positive regard and love for one another. In fact, she believed that nurturing and compassionate relationships in childhood and family environments are critical to developing a well-adjusted mindset in adulthood.
Satir noted five commonly-used roles that family members can adopt, and I’ll explain them below. Interestingly, in NLP we use the body language of these roles as teaching tools to allow people to feel more familiar. What’s more, it’s always useful to note which role presentation people respond positively or negatively to.
The Blamer
The blamer constantly finds fault or criticises others.
The Computer
This role plays the intellectual who is unable to express or process emotion. They have a challenge showing affection and everything is managed logically.
The Distracter
This role likes to stir things up a little in order to shift the focus away from emotional issues, ensuring they are never addressed.
The Placator
This is the people-pleaser of the family who is overly apologetic and likes to keep the peace.
The Leveller
The Leveller is the open, direct and honest communicator who can express freely.
Needless to say, only ‘Levellers’ maintain a healthy position where their inner feelings match their outer communication. Other roles are adopted due to low self-esteem, creating fear around the true or honest expression of feelings. Furthermore, ‘Plactors” are terrifed of disaproval and ‘Blamers’ attack first to hide feelings of unworthiness.
‘Computers’ separate themselves from their emotions, often locking them in a box, so that they don’t have to feel or face them. Whereas ‘Distracters’ only imagine they are lovable if they are seen as harmless, funny and cute. Often the youngest in the family takes the Distracter role.
Where Does This Leave Us?
Of course, a family can function whilst operating these roles, however, it can be hard for the members to develop their authentic personalities. Whether as children or as adults, we want to accept that self-esteem and self-worth are a birthright. What’s more, the only way to pursue a meaningful existence is to commit to being open and honest in the communication of our real feelings.
Quite simply, we all need positive emotional connections to flourish.
Go Deeper And Study NLP Practitioner Training
If you’d like to understand more about the intricate connection between Virginia Satir and Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) you will be interested in studying NLP Practitioner training.
During this programme we explore her belief system and practice and her influence on the NLP Meta Model of Communication.
You can find out more about my NLP Practitioner Training here.
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